you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
