hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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