Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
