he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
