fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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