i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I deserve this hangover.
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