your thong is hanging out like whoa
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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