you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
