So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
