So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
