help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
