Apparently you make a good broom.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
