You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Please don't give away my fajitas
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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