We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
