i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
