I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just blew my weed a kiss
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
