this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
