Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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