even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
