hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
