why didn't you poke me back
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
