I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
