lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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