god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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