I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'd cum for enchiladas.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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