Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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