Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
