Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
