12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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