when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
