i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
