I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
