she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
