you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
