mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
