if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
