I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
