You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
