Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
