Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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