Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
