this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
