Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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