Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Will exercising make me less horny?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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