what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
