Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
