Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
