he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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