It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
