your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
