Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
