I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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