Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
