I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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