Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
