I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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