i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
