Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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